Yes I know you heard it from other people before me. I am so sorry I left so suddenly. You consume me every single day that I became stagnant. I wasn’t growing anymore. I need to spend less time with you. In the four years we’ve been together, I have been told that I talk to you more than I talk to them…him.
Each morning I check on you. I tell you what’s happening with my life – my opinion in politics, my thoughts on the people I work with, how I feel about the world. I even show you photos – the new niece, the person who gave me elephant steps when we kiss but crushed my heart, the loyal friend who was always there, the guy who tried to grab my minute left boob, even that weird food I ate.
You don’t neglect to update me on my friends. Remember, how we laughed when Dennis was caught kissing some guy and who couldn’t even remember who it was. What about the time when the Jessica and Joe got married? How beautiful was that day for the Jojos? And when Loyva got her master’s degree, weren’t we so proud of her? And you don’t fail to remind me of my friend’s birthdays. You are awesome that way.
We had good times…and we wasted them playing Poker, Word Challenge and Music Challenge. I don’t know why but I never really developed an affinity for Farmville. I mean who would want virtual carrots? If you were really harvesting, give me my goddamn potatoes ‘cause I’m making French fries! Are there even potatoes and carrots in Farmville, I wonder…
I am not ingrata. Because of you, I wouldn’t have found my childhood friend who is now residing at the other side of the world; classmates who I haven’t seen in years; and family who I didn’t know we were even related (maybe we just have the same last name). I was able to get connected with new and old friends. And I thank you for that.
You were there during my highs and lows. You were there when I was at my highest-- jumping off Macau Tower at 233m (750 ft); and my lowest, diving at 137 feet underwater.
You were there at my happiest. Even when I was halfway across the globe, you kept in touch. But I didn't tell you the truth when I was at my lowest because even though I feel important when I am with you, you wouldn’t understand the intensity of my feelings. You’d think it’s just another story to tell. You broadcast it to the world as if it was some juicy gossip. So there, I had to take a break away from you.
Last night I realized that you were the only one holding important two years worth of my memories. I was going through old files and organizing them in my XHD, when lo and behold! 2008 and 2009 photos are missing. Is this your way of getting back at me?
Yes, I couldn't help myself last night and checked on you. When I saw you, I thought, am I going to start stalking people again? I felt degenerated at that moment. My head started spinning and I felt nauseous. So I had to take an exit again. I survived the last month without you. Plus you have 500 million other people to keep up with.
I kept coming back to you. You were like a conscience that never speaks. You know everything about me yet I know nothing about you. I think more aptly described -- you’re a shadow. And I need to learn how to stop coming back to you.
I guess I am not yet ready to face you. But I am lying if I say I don’t miss you once in a while.